One Week In

Posted: July 25, 2016 in Uncategorized

Well, almost a week.  I’ve had to use the emergency anti anxiety drugs a couple of times, but I’m still only on a starter dose of Zoloft so I suppose that’s to be expected. I haven’t had to use them at work, moreover I’m a afraid to because they make me a little clumsy. Not necessarily loopy or drowsy, but sometimes my feet don’t listen. I guess that doesn’t make a lot of sense but it is midnight, and I’m a little sleepy. So we’ll just go with it.

Thankfully I’ve not experienced any insomnia, and Lyndsay says she notices a slight difference. I guess I notice small ones. She says she can hear a difference in my voice, I don’t sound defeated. I suppose I never thought about it before but it makes sense. I spent a lot of energy pretending to be normal and fight through the worst of my anxiety during the day that by the time I got home I was so mentally exhausted. Even though I haven’t used them at work, just knowing I have something in the event panic takes hold helps. I spend less time pretending.

Admitting all of it helps. Writing it down helps me work through it. Though contrary to what that may sound like I’m not writing these posts as a form of therapy (though it’s becoming a happy byproduct). I’m writing these because it’s important for people to vocalize their struggles. Reading posts from people like Jenny Lawson (aka the Bloggess) helped me realize that. So the more voices out there, the more people will realize they aren’t alone and it’s okay to talk about it.

And that’s the important thing. I’m not famous, I’m not well known by any means but one more voice added to the growing dialogue can’t do anything but help. We have to talk, be honest- even if it’s only to the wide void of the Internet. 

I still have anxiety. I still feel the pull of depression but it’s getting better. Little by little it’s getting better.  That’s all I can hope for.

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